damp | homo: lambda

[ It's nighttime now, and Rin is crouched in one of the... building things they have in playgrounds. You know, these things.

He's just hanging out when he sees Lambda, and because he doesn't want her to think that he's creepily hiding there and watching her, he says, ] Hey.

[ he still seems a little creepy like this, but it's fine. she's used to creepier than a crybaby swimmer boy, not that she knows he's a crybaby yet. ]

... Hey. Just lurking?

[ lambda wears sunglasses at night. ]

... It's not lurking! I just like it up here.

[ she must be cool? only cool people wear sunglasses at night. ]

I'm Rin.

[ that is one of the worst things you have ever made me read. rin... baby... ]

You can call me Lambda or Lambdaryllis. You're lucky the small girls are spirited.

[ He stands up so that he can see her a little more clearly, leaning against the railing of the playground set. ]

Small girls? What do you mean?

The twelve year olds. Nahida can handle herself.

[ insofar that she can tell. the 12 year olds can also handle themselves but in a different way. ]

[ He still looks a little confused, but he just nods. ]

Oh, I've only met Ylfa. Even if they're spirited, it's a little sad to see kids here...

[ lambda starts thinking rin is slow on the uptake. ]

They're here and there's nothing to be done about it, but what do you think someone less spirited would think about some however tall you are shadow lurking in the darkness of the night?

[ He grimaces a little. ]

Probably scared. I get it. It's creepy.

Keep your lurking in the daylight or give more of a warning.

[ get the park new and better lighting. ]

[ Annoyed, ] I gave you a warning, didn't I? I said hi as soon as I noticed you.

From the darkness.

[ emphasis on from the darkness. ]

I wasn't scared, but think of everyone else.

[ she doesn't think rin is scary at all or cares if other people get scared. this is bullying. ]

If someone is scared that easily then they wouldn't be walking around a park at night anyway!

That's a broad, sweeping statement if I ever heard one.

Fine! [ he gets off the set ] I'll leave! In fact, I'll just never come back!

[ and then he just storms off i'm sorry he's so dramatic ]

[ For some reason Lamba is in the gym when Rin walks in. He looks at her like he's a little disoriented. ]

... Hey.

[ Look I'm not good at coming up with icebreakers. ]

[ for some reason. listen, lambda likes the pool a lot. not as much as haru but enough. she just will never use the pool if there is anyone else around. ]

... Was it the message, or did you find something?

[ or both? ]

[ oh, it's easier to talk about facts. to separate out from reality like he's just telling a story. ]

We found something; me, Ylfa and Valerie. It was one of the blimps? It crashed and was on fire.

[ he may or may not be disassociating, but lambda is more than fine with going the more factual route. ]

It's a flashy way to fight.

[ she doesn't say it like it's a bad thing? just that it's a thing. ]

I don't really get how they brought it down...

[ ??? are blimps not super high up. does anyone in this game know anything about blimps ]

They have to come down to take people up.

[ so it could have been one of the ones people could ride. ]

I don't know the range of the elemental psychs.

[ since she got healing, ]

Neither do I. I guess I'll ask Ylfa.

[ the sole elemental in their team ]

Where were you last night? Did you notice anything?

Outside of the doors and windows being locked, unbreakable, and unbudgeable? Not really.

[ He nods. ]

Where were you?

With someone you know.

[ very helpful. ]

[ luckily, rin is obsessed with haru and will always think of him first ]

Haru? At the gym?

[ gay. ]

You should ask him.

I MISSED THIS HELPPPP

you didn't want to tag me anymore

i understand

[ crawls back to this catch all

Rin is casually perusing the leather jackets! They're pretty sick.

He's still a little awkward around Lambda, but he thinks they can reconcile (maybe) and waves at her. ]

Shopping?

[ on one hand, he was here and dead and so couldn't be part of any team plotting. on the other hand, he is human.

he's a good boy, though, behind his shark teeth. ]

Perusing. It's not my usual style, but it's still better quality and variety than what we got when we were alive.

[ ah yes, her white loli gowns... ]

There's actually a lot of stores around here. I guess it's what you'd expect from Shibuya.

... Are you familiar with Shibuya?

[ is she... from earth... ]

[ she would prefer tutus and such, but she will compromise because it's better than what the living has.

she shakes her head. ]

I've never been, but I know of it. I've been to a lot of different places and countries but not Shinjuku in particular.

[ she's not from earth, but she has to travel all across earth.... ]

[ He pulls out a leather jacket, glancing over at her. ]

Where did you live, then?

[ about that!

a pig noise comes running by to help answer his question!. it's not the most correct answer to his question, but it's not wrong?

this fake las vegas that shouldn't exist but exists for the sake of SUMMER. ]

[ HELP I LOVE FATE/

Well, that was a lot. ]

So you live in... Las Vegas. [ An interesting place for a figure skater. ] What's a "swimming swordmaster"?

[ Also did that other girl call herself "Hokusai"?? ]

I do. Or I did. It's one of the many places we went to.

[ hate having to try make sense of fate/ ]

It's exactly as it sounds. It's self-explanatory.

[ it's ridiculous, but she didn't term it. ]

[ So a swordmaster that swims. Fascinating.

He's heard that she was famous from others, but it's occuring to him now that she's famous from being a professional in sports.

Goals... ]

Huh, that's kind of my dream. [ To swim at stages all across the globe. ] You just miss having a rink to skate in.

[ good job, rin, for putting the pieces together. ]

If I had access to my full abilities, I could skate on water.

[ an ice rink is her gritting her teeth and accepting her nerfdom. ]

[ that's

SO COOL ]

Why didn't you?

[ she tilts her head. ]

Rin Matsuoka, you know I'm not human, right?

Yeah, Mizuki told me. Wait, so your skating shows were on water?

[ he just assumed it was on ice ]

Most of them.

[ some of them could have been on ice. f/go will never tell me. ]

I'm a goddess of water, not ice.

Goddess...? [ what ] Did you tell Haru that?

[ Speaking of Haru, enjoying being slammed by this extremely normie memory of Rin recounting his weird relationship with Haru. ]

[ she's about to reply, but instead she has to witness this memory of rin being gay. ]

You could have said swimming with Haruka revitalizes you.

[ it would have been simpler, with fewer words. ]

[ that is a very good summary ]

... That's not all there was to it! He asked me why we weren't friends anymore.

[ oh, that surprises her a little. ]

You weren't friends for a while?

[ because they act like friends now? here? even if he's dead and haru isn't. ]

[ she's about to get the rin is a bad friend lore ]

... Yeah, because of me. Because I was struggling with swimming, and I blamed it on... [ he really hates admitting this ] admiring Haru too much instead of wanting to beat him.

So I ended our friendship a few years ago. [ he rubs the back of his neck. ] But Haru has a bigger heart than most people think.

[ what she gets is that he's self-absorbed and cringe (no). she gets he's self-absorbed and sensitive.

she tilts her head. ]

At least you know better now. You were able to repair your relationship.

[ He is all three of those things.

Brief moment of sad longing. ]

Yeah, somehow. Mostly because Haru forgave me. He didn't even ask for anything in return.

[ Anyway, enough about them. ]

Did you tell him that you're the goddess of water?

I did. He didn't react much. He doesn't seem to be the type to ask for much at all outside of a pool.

[ she thinks haru just wants water and more water. ]

Huh, I thought he'd be more excited about it considering how he reacted to Gerard.

[ Like, "leave your team and join us". ]

He didn't feel excited about it.

[ i want to know how haru reacted to gerard but lambda wouldn't care enough to ask :face_holding_back_tears: ]

He spent his time skating.

[ THAT'S SO WEIRD... unless haru was like water doesn't bend to authority ]

Huh. So you two got along?

[ something to ask haru when they reunite instead of sorting through murder and death feelings.... ]

I wouldn't go that far. All we did was talk.

Do you like him?

No.

[ no hesitation. ]

It takes more than a few conversations for me to like anyone.

... Yeah. I'm getting that from you.

It's just how I am.

[ take her or leave her. ]

[ he shrugs ]

You don't have to like people easily. People aren't usually that honest about it though.

I think it's easier if people are on the same page as I am. I'm not going to be polite just for the sake of it.

[ lambda is truly the type that's if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best. ]

... That's not that different from Haru either. Or my best friend.

[ she makes a face at being compared to haru and this friend she doesn't know. ]

And?

... That's it. I was trying to remember how we started getting along.

[ because you were so cute and cheerful and bright as a child. it'd be easier for baby rin to get along with lambda, too, now that i think about it. ]

A miracle?

[ she means from both sides probably. ]

Oi. [ his expression flatlines ] It's just easier to make friends as kids.

[ ... ]

Did you even have a childhood?

[ well.

oink oink. sorry for fate/ character designs. not the most sfw..........

this memory comes with some static and a kind of disconnect. it's the kind of memory you know you have, but it's not one you've experienced. ]

Edited (I FORGOT MY WARNING) 2023-07-18 05:38 (UTC)

[ Another memory comes by, and it's even more confusing than the last. He watches the story of Lambda and her sister. She seems... a little different. Not as cold as he'd expect.

He just looks at her. ]

... You were also summoned to fight a war?

Once. In a way. The me that was there was more like a sentinel.

[ kind of. she went off the beaten path. ]

The you...? You're not the same person as the one in the memory?

[ ... ]

How much do you know of spirits?

I know how we think of them in Japan; different types of yokai.

I don't really know too much about stories of spirits outside of that though.

Think of it like I'm a reincarnation, in a way. We're, in essence, the same. I have all the memories of the person in my memory, but I'm not the same person because I didn't personally experience those memories.

[ that actually makes a lot of sense ]

So that person died and you were born? Guifei mentioned she was summoned to save the world. Is that your mission too?

I was summoned.

[ there's a big enough distinction that she has to correct him. she was born in a different place, in a different time. ]

We were summoned for the same mission.

[ He nods, a little curious as he tries to piece together the different pieces of information that he knows about her. ]

Do you believe in it?

It's contractual. It's not as if I want nowhere to exist.

[ she doesn't have strong feelings about saving everyone in her world, but she doesn't mind having a world around. ]

Then...

[ He tilts his head. ]

What is important to you?

[ she smiles up at him. ]

Beauty and elegance.

[ i'm sorry rin is so gay the first thing he thinks of when she says that is, ]

Have you ever seen Haru swim?

[ that is so gay. she doesn't know if she's in disbelief or if she wants to laugh. she doesn't laugh. ]

No. Is that what you think of him?

[ it's not his fault everyone in free is gay for haru's swimming ]

I mean... At least when he's in the water. Haru's freestyle is really something else.

[ haru's protag aura. ]

Is that why he keeps on saying free?

[ help. he laughs. ]

Yeah, he's been like that since he was a kid. [ (haru voice) ] "I only swim free." It used to drive me insane.

But you should watch him one day. It might be a nice sight to see.

Used to?

[ she thinks if it's such a refrain, it'd get more and more tired over time. ]

I'll think about it.

[ where is rin? she'll look for him eventually and gauge his leave me alone vibes whenever or wherever she manages to find him. ]

[ rin is swimming. poorly. looking furious. ]

[ this is doing something stupid.

she seats herself at the end of the pool, dipping her prosthetic leggies into the water. he's swimming, so the chances he'll hear her aren't high, but she still calls out to him: ]

Are you trying to see if you can drown when you're dead?

[ The splashy splash of swimming is very loud, but Rin can hear her for reasons.

He'll stop and stand. ]

I'm not going to drown. [ Cuts a glance at her. ] What do you want?

[ not in the deep end, i see.

she tilts her head. ]

You already know the water doesn't like it when you swim with those kind of emotions.

[ she hasn't forgotten the memory she saw or his words afterward. ]

[ That really catches him off guard, and he looks over at her, anger giving way for surprise and then...

Softening into something mournful as he looks back at the water. ]

Well, sometimes I screw up.

We both know that already, don't we? If you're not going to swim productively, get out.

How are you going to face Haruka like this?

[ He fixes her with a glare, agitated by the question. ]

Fuck off. You're not the goddess of anything here, and I don't have to listen to you.

[ she has been attacked with worse before, and none of what he says hits her pride. ]

If you want to be self-destructive, I don't care enough about you to stop you, but I do care about the pool.

[ she isn't going to mince her words just because he's hurting, and she knows he is. she wasn't born out of kindness. ]

If you want to drown so you don't have to face whatever team member arrives tomorrow, I'll do it for a fee.

I wouldn't pay you for shit.

[ he pushes his hair out of his face so he can look at her more clearly. ]

So if you want to drown me, you'll have to do it for free, but I'm not getting out.

Oh? So what are you doing this for? Enlighten me.

[ she's just watching him impassively from behind her sunglasses. ]

Because all I see is you trying to run away.

What the hell do you know about me? [ he's still scowling ] I'm not running away. I'm trying to... focus.

[ not doing a great job, but. ]

[ she doesn't really care to know too much about him yet, unfortunately. ]

Uh-huh. Sure. What are you trying to focus on?

[ since he's doing such a great job. ]

[ he gives her a tired look. ]

I don't have to explain myself to you. If you want to drag me out of the water, then do it. Otherwise leave me alone.

You can do better things with your time.

[ such as, talk about your feelings with people who are nicer. ]

Better than... swimming?

[ ??? ]

[ boy. your swimming sucks right now. ]

There's a time and place for everything, and you need something else with someone else.

[ sometimes you are bad at swimming ]

... Nobody else needs to see this.

[ he wants to go to the olympics. ]

Many of us have seen this and worse. I just know I'm not nice.

[ lifts a brow ]

Do you want to be?

No. I don't see the point.

[ He looks at her for a long time before, finally, his anger cracks, and he sighs. ]

I really don't understand you...

[ But he doesn't sound that bothered by it, more relaxed as he swims over to the pool's edge and pulls himself out of the water.

While wringing the water out of his hair, ] Satisfied?

I don't need to be understood.

[ this is unfortunately genuine because she thinks it's not easy for most to understand her. ]

Are you still angry?

... Yeah. But that's not something I can force to stop.

[ wish he could turn of emotions ]

Are you going for a swim?

Not right now. I'm not in the mood.

[ she's not angry like he is, though. ]

Let's go for a walk, Rin.

... Okay. [ he's a little surprised by the other. ] Let me just change.

[ he doesn't walk around in a swimsuit like haru

once that's done, he'll tilt his head toward her, ] Let's go.

[ After he respawns, Rin is not going to go to the pool for once. Instead, he's going to sit in the hotel lobby, looking a little lost.

He'll look up when he notices Lambda, waiting to see what she'll do. ]

[ she will sit somewhat near him, but she won't be close to infringing his personal space. ]

What are you thinking, Rin?

[ She doesn't get too close, and he takes note of that, lifting his head at her question. ]

... I'm wondering how Buzen and Matsui-san carry this kind of weight without being crushed.

[ sometimes, people don't want to be crowded after trauma? also, she keeps her distance with most people, most times. ]

... So it did have to do with them. [ ... ] Did you have to face history?

[ He nods, looking back down at his hands. ]

The Shimabara Rebellion. The Shogunate forces killed nearly 40,000 people.

... Matsui and Buzen were there too.

Edited 2023-07-21 19:26 (UTC)

There were there, too? [ ... ] It is their memory, so it wouldn't be strange for them to be there, too. The memory of them.

[ she knows enough of history to understand what had to have happened, at least the gist of it.

it's too much for someone as normal as rin, for someone from as peaceful a time and world as him. ]

What side were you part of?

The Shogunate side. We all were. Sort of. Shenhe and Rang were with the Rebels, but they had to make sure they lost.

[ He laces his fingers together, staring at his hands. ]

... What do you think the right thing to do would've been, in that situation?

[ MY HTML ]

I don't think much about right or wrong, but if it's anything like what I'm used to, if you didn't help course correct, you'd end up dooming everyone.

[ which she knows is bad to a lot of people. ]

It depends on what your priorities are.

... I don't know if priorities even matter. If you don't kill the people you care about, you doom them anyway by setting the timeline off track.

I think it comes down to how strong you are. How logical you can be.

[ neither of which he excels in. at least, not outside of swimming. ]

No? Sometimes, it's worth it to have a few more moments with the people you love. You can choose to doom everyone and yourself because you won't let history force your hand. I don't think that's wrong, if that's more important to you.

[ she thinks it's better to be self-aware about it. you can do so many great atrocious things and lambda may not agree or like them all, but she'd accept it as long as you acknowledge your actions for what they are.

it's not about morals. it's about what's significant to you. ]

If they're going to die, how they die is still a choice, even if the choice is terrible and seems like an illusion of one. You're killing them either way, but there's enough of a distinction.

[ He listens to her quietly, so wrapped up in thoughts of strength and power. Of being able to make hard decisions.

But the more he listens, the more he thinks that she's right. Even if the end result is the same, the moments in between are precious. ]

... If they're going to die, then I wouldn't want their last moments to be afraid. Especially not of me. [ They trusted him, and that, at least, is a comfort. If barely. ] Even knowing what the other option is, I don't think I could ever do it.

But it's still hard to live with.

If that's what makes you you, that's fine, isn't it?

[ he's rin matsuoka, a swimmer from japan, not rin matsuoka, touken danshi. she doesn't expect him to have the same kind of strengths buzen and matsui has. does she think he's weak? yes, but he's human. ]

Things won't be as easy as they used to be, but it gives you perspective. It makes you cherish what you have more. You're haunted and you might have nightmares for a long time, but at least you can keep true to yourself.

[ she can't promise he'll be okay, but she can tell him what she thinks is true. ]

[ There's something about hearing her say—maybe because he knows, bone deep, that she wouldn't go out of her way to spare his feelings—that it's enough for him to be himself that lifts a weight off his chest. That breaks down the guilt, shame and insecurities eating away at him.

It's not perfect, but it's fine. ]

... Thanks, I.

[ Confidence week will have him leaning over to pull her into a hug, but logic will make him stop before he does because they're not that close yet.

So he just fixes her with a smile instead. ]

I appreciate you saying that.

[ she doesn't think he's the worst or most annoying kind of human, congrats. he's tried to understand the nonhumans enough and acknowledged their feelings enough without being condescending or terrible about it, so she can tolerate and come around to try to understand him, too.

it's because she does see that he's trying, and that's more than she's seen a lot of people do.

she does stare from behind her sunglasses when he leans forward. she has no idea what he was about to do because it doesn't occur to her that it'd occur to him to do that. ]

It's what I think. Nothing more, nothing less.

[ He thinks that's true. He's not sure if she's trying to make him feel better, or just talking to him logically and him feeling better is an unintended side effect.

He's not going to presume that she cares about him, but he hopes it might be a little of the former. ]

Still, you didn't have to talk to me.

[ He smiles a little. ]

You should do rounds. You might make the others feel better too.

[ she doesn't make a face, but she wants to make a face. ]

It's not my intention to make all of you feel better.

[ it's not like she cares or anything. ]

[ He leans back, looking tired. ]

I wish I could make people feel better without trying...

[ He's teasing. A little. ]

Your first step would be not running off to metaphorical Australia.

[ she is teasing. a lot. ]

I didn't— [ help, that's so unexpected ] I didn't run away, I went there to train.

Where did you hear about that anyway?

It was a guess, from your memory.

[ she really threw it out on a lark.

and well, why else would haru have been asking about australia? she's really saying all this to him on the day he got super traumataized. i'm so sorry, rin. ]

[ It's okay. It distracts him with his much less traumatizing problems. ]

Oh, right. [ ... ] I went there to train, it wasn't running away.

... But. I do run away a lot, I guess.

Can't it have been both?

[ the way he talked about his frustrations... she doesn't know him the best or understand him super well, but she can hazard some guesses. ]

What are you so afraid of, Rin?

[ It probably was both. Is both.

He hesitates a moment, ] I don't want everyone to realize. I was great as a kid. Good with people, good at swimming. My family and my friends really believed I could become something great.

... I don't want them to realize they were wrong. I'm nothing great.

It's like you can't accept that you can make mistakes or that people can accept that about you.

[ it's a little hard for her to relate or understand because she really has so much self-confidence. her perspective is self-absorbed in this way. ]

How do you define being great?

[ imagine if he said haru again how gay would that be.

but no, he thinks about it. ]

Someone smart enough to be able to piece together evidence whenever we have a trial. Or who knows how to comfort people when they're struggling.

Someone who could erase others to try and save us all, instead of running away.

[ okay, he referenced haru a little bit ]

[ she doesn't know if rin wants to kiss haru or wants to be him. things to think about.... ]

You can do the first as well as anyone else here. I don't know about the second, but that's not important to me.

And you were robbed of the chance to do the last, so you'll never know if you could step up to it.

[ He snorts. ]

It's not important to you, so that's it? [ He seems amused. ] I know that I should stop beating myself up and focus on moving forward.

Some days it's easier than others.

If it's insignificant, why waste effort and energy?

[ move on, yeah. it's a callous way to do things, but that's what she's like. ]

As long as you can move forward eventually, that's a starting point. All you have to do is start.

[ wheremst is lambda ]

[ in the void

no, he can find her in the anime merchandise store, looking at the figurines. ]

[ huh! ]

I didn't expect to find you here.

We all have our interests.

[ she has no shame in this. ]

Figurines, but not cosplay?

[ he's not judging, he just thinks it's unexpected ]

Figurines are adorable. Cosplay is imitation that others can enjoy.

[ it's just not to her standards. ]

[ he tries to see which figurines she's looking at. nosy. ]

[ she's looking at the ones that cost $500. the good quality ones. it's not really the fandom or the series she cares about, but more the quality of the figurines. ]

[ that tracks ]

So these are what you find beautiful?

They're adorable.

[ it is embarrassing to me but not to her, but there's more life and emphasis in her voice and overall expression when she talks about dolls

not as much as when she talks about ballet, but it's a close second. ]

[ cute...

he will pick up a male figurine and idly look at the musculature. ]

They are pretty cute. [ well, not this one. ] I never really had any talent for art, so it amazes me how artists can create something out of a blank canvas or block of wood.

[ he's just like nozaki about these figures.

she would steal all these dolls, but there is no location changes on the gy location page. there is unfortunately a sparkle to her eyes. ]

The craftsmanship is exquisite. There's a beauty in being able to admire something in a full 360 degrees, and dolls will take all your love without any complaint.

[ i really did want to give rin some of her most embarrassing and cursed lore, but it's killing me to write this. ]

[ he is

SHE'S SO CUTE THOUGH he seems pretty happy to listen to her talk, tilting his head curiously ]

Are you worried about people complaining after receiving your love?

Worried isn't it. I expect it. I don't hold back with my love.

[ she's a sadist, so. so........ ]

Isn't that a good thing? If someone loves you, why would they want you to hold back?

There's no guarantee the person I love would love me back, is there?

Well... no.

[ He has no idea how often love is reciprocated. ]

But if you're in a relationship, then you shouldn't expect complaints.

[ ... Right?? ]

Why are you assuming there's a relationship?

[ rin, you're jumping too many points. ]

[ he tilts his head ]

In the hypothetical situation. If you did find someone who loved you, then you wouldn't have to worry about holding back.

Whether or not someone loved me, if I loved them, I wouldn't be able to hold back. It'd be past the point of worrying.

[ she usually tells people to go away a lot first, and if they don't, she did her part. ]

They will have to accept it.

[ to be honest he thinks it's very exciting to receive someone's unfiltered affection but he doesn't say that. ]

Have you had experiences like that?

[ the way he had a speedrun dialogue option right in front and he chose to be normal instead.

she smiles. ]

Whether or not it's happened before, I know how I'll behave.

[ He's the most normal person here. ]

Yeah? [ Maybe he should find that scary, but he smiles back at her. ] I don't know, I think it's a good thing to be honest in love.

[ Me, gritting my teeth, wishing Rin was nosy like Claude and would ask her if she liked anyone right now. ]

[ he'd do better if he weren't normal. just saying. your ic/ooc divide is impressive. i love you, spoon.

but i'll tell you she wouldn't have told him anything. ]

There are times to keep your feelings to yourself. I do think you don't always have to let it be known to everyone, but you should be honest with yourself.

[ he can only be himself :( ]

Yeah, that's true. [ Curious... ] How exactly would you behave anyway?

Oh? Do you really want to know?

Well, yeah. I'm pretty curious since we've been talking about it...

[ there is going to be a chair conveniently behind him to make this work.

She shoves him back to sit on it, and if he doesn't try to get up right away, she'll move to straddle him. ]

[ He immediately mimics a deer in headlights, eyes wide when she STRADDLES HIM HELP.

Frozen in place, ] I get it.

[ she smiles, not too kindly. ]

Do you?

[ she doesn't get off him just yet. ]

[ After the madness of CYOA return, Rin will look for Lambda. Is she okay. Does she desperately want to be alone? ]

[ she's healed. she healed herself on top off what rang did although she wouldn't have been against a quick kill and respawn.

if he'll go to her hotel room, he can find her there. she'll open the door and let him in, if he knocks. ]

[ He will go there! With a few things bundled in his arms. ]

Hey. [ He will go inside, watching her carefully. ] How are you feeling?

[ bundles? hello?

she moves to sit on her bed. it's better to be comfy than not. ]

Better. I'm still trying to sort my thoughts and memories.

[ i already forgot what those are supposed to be so wings it ]

You seemed a little confused when you came back. Did your memories get tampered with?

Oh, I brought you some stuff

[ he will set down what he's holding! some sushi from the restaurant, sports drinks, bubble bath. ]

[ rin is such a good boy. lambda's expression softens by the smallest fraction. ]

I gained extra ones. [ or she thinks she did. ] Extra lives.

[ she's not hungry, but she appreciates sushi a lot. ]

You didn't have to.

[ He opens his mouth for a moment, closing it and glancing away, ] I want to be here for you.

[ He hasn't forgotten how she showed up for him after his own adventure. While he doubts he can be as helpful with his words, there are certain things he can do.

Crossing his arms, he leans against the dresser. ]

What do you mean by extra lives...? You mean you lived through them?

[ oh, that's so straightforward of him that it surprises lambda enough that she doesn't have any kind of reply. she has to look away for a second. it's something she's not great at handling. ]

That's how it seems. Living a tale out, more than once, like I was a story. Do you know the story of Swan Lake?

[ rin is modern, but he's also so jock. ]

[ he is a jock, so he probably doesn't know the details. he focuses on the word "story", gears turning in his head. ]

It's a ballet, right? About a princess that's turned into a swan?

Yes. Someone has to vow to love her forever for her curse to break.

[ ... ]

I had to live through different iterations of it.

[ He's a little tense, remembering his own adventure. How difficult it had been, and how desperately it tried to break their spirits.

He's bracing himself to hear the same from her. ]

As a swan... looking for love? [ ... ] Did you believe it was your real life?

Yes.

[ as her memories are now, she still believes what happened was real to some length. She still believes they were lives she lived until she suddenly believes everything isn't real. ]

I thought it was more real than anything else, and now... it's hard to say what is. When I realize it was fiction, and I realize I was fiction.

[ if her own world didn't have spirits being fucked up by what's false simply because it's what too many believe, she'd be closer to breaking than she is. ]

[ Personally, that sounds pretty horrifying to him. Like having the rug of his entire existence pulled out from under him. ]

If it felt real, then it was real, to some extent. [ "It's not real," is what he said after his own adventure. But the hurt was real. The sights were real. The struggle, and the hardship. ] ... Uh, I don't know if that makes things more confusing.

I just mean... It was something you experienced, but it's not what you are... now.

[ Is he making any sense. ]

[ were it not for her cyoa effect, he would be making more sense, but she's still going through it, so it's only confusing her.

she is trying to find something to focus on as real, so even if all her experiences were real, she can separate it all out in her mind.

she holds her head, and she shakes her head. ]

I'm not sure about much right now.

[ Oh, it's not a position that he's seen her in before, and, hesitantly, he walks over to sit next to her, setting a hand on her shoulder in the hopes that it's... grounding, in some way. ]

What are you questioning the most?

[ He looks around, just briefly around the room. ]

You don't have to make sense of it all at once. Even something small could be significant.

[ honestly, in a more typical scenario, she'd brush his hand off, but it can stay there today. taking advantage her rare vulnerability....

she doesn't know what she wants to say or if there is any one answer to his question. ]

Which life is the correct one.

[ Wow, that's a loaded question. He feels like an after school special might tell her to explore her own thoughts and feelings, and decide that for herself, but he doesn't think an identity crisis is quite the same when manufactured by this game's cruelty.

He squeezes her shoulder. ]

You're the goddess of water, a famous figure skater with fans around the globe, and you were summoned to fulfill a contract to save the world.

Your life as the Swan Princess... Those are experiences that happened to you, but that's not your real life.

[ she'd kill him if she knew his first thought was about afterschool specials.

she listens, but she's still grappling with it. ]

How do you know for sure?

[ Look. ]

Because maybe I don't know you as well as some of the others, but I know you're upfront about who you are.

And you've never given me any reason to doubt it. You're not even pretending to be okay right now, even though it can't comfortable for you to be uncertain in front of me.

[ she does think being as open and as vulnerable as she has been is a bit ugly for her, but she can't help it as she tries to recalibrate herself. ]

... Hm. It's true there are some feelings I'd prefer to keep to myself.

I don't blame you.

[ He won't pry too much, but... ]

Did you see anyone there? In your life there, who's here too?

Both. I think it was true for everyone else. Obviously, there was Luo Wenzhou for Fei Du. Netzach was there for Libby.

[ she barely paid attention to sqq. he's such an nonentity to lambda, unfortunately. ]

I saw Yang Guifei.

[ help lambda... the cyoa did Not bring them closer together ]

What was her role?

[ in the story, he means ]

,small>[ sometimes, the stars don't align. ]

The other girl. The one he fell in love with or was going to get married to.

homo: lambda

week 0, monday, park

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week 0, friday, bm gym

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w4, mon, the punk/bdsm store

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