homo: lambda

[damp]

itp: i don't understand fgo and i am filled with fear

Comments

[diluvian]

It was a guess, from your memory.

[ she really threw it out on a lark.

and well, why else would haru have been asking about australia? she's really saying all this to him on the day he got super traumataized. i'm so sorry, rin. ]

[damp]

[ It's okay. It distracts him with his much less traumatizing problems. ]

Oh, right. [ ... ] I went there to train, it wasn't running away.

... But. I do run away a lot, I guess.

[diluvian]

Can't it have been both?

[ the way he talked about his frustrations... she doesn't know him the best or understand him super well, but she can hazard some guesses. ]

What are you so afraid of, Rin?

[damp]

[ It probably was both. Is both.

He hesitates a moment, ] I don't want everyone to realize. I was great as a kid. Good with people, good at swimming. My family and my friends really believed I could become something great.

... I don't want them to realize they were wrong. I'm nothing great.

[diluvian]

It's like you can't accept that you can make mistakes or that people can accept that about you.

[ it's a little hard for her to relate or understand because she really has so much self-confidence. her perspective is self-absorbed in this way. ]

How do you define being great?

[damp]

[ imagine if he said haru again how gay would that be.

but no, he thinks about it. ]

Someone smart enough to be able to piece together evidence whenever we have a trial. Or who knows how to comfort people when they're struggling.

Someone who could erase others to try and save us all, instead of running away.

[ okay, he referenced haru a little bit ]

[diluvian]

[ she doesn't know if rin wants to kiss haru or wants to be him. things to think about.... ]

You can do the first as well as anyone else here. I don't know about the second, but that's not important to me.

And you were robbed of the chance to do the last, so you'll never know if you could step up to it.

[damp]

[ He snorts. ]

It's not important to you, so that's it? [ He seems amused. ] I know that I should stop beating myself up and focus on moving forward.

Some days it's easier than others.

[diluvian]

If it's insignificant, why waste effort and energy?

[ move on, yeah. it's a callous way to do things, but that's what she's like. ]

As long as you can move forward eventually, that's a starting point. All you have to do is start.