[ stares into the sun at all of the people he's meeting that are like this. ]
No, yeah, when you say it like that I get it. Kind of one of the only things you can control here when everything else is weird. [ jock propaganda... ]
But no, not really? I've...been kind of out of anything routine for a while. [ he hesitates for a bit before he decides he can at least clarify a little. ] I'd been out of school for a while until really recently. It's almost summer, so I'm not going back until fall. And there's been a lot of things happening that I'm still figuring out what I want to do next.
[ A portion of the casualness drops from him as he looks more attentive, not really expecting the details that Jonas offers up. ]
That does sound disorienting. Ending up face to face with ghosts right before you got here probably doesn't help either... [ ... ] I was going to ask if things were starting to look up, but I can guess the answer to that.
It's kind of funny that maybe they were? I mean there was still a lot that was complicated about...everything, but my dad and I had just moved out of my hometown. It wasn't...really the greatest or safest place a person could live to begin with. It was one of those towns where there wasn't much of a point in doing anything because people never expected you to be good at anything. So it was kind of nice thinking maybe things would start getting better. Even with that night.
... You definitely don't seem like you belonged in a town like that. [ if it were touch week, he would pat his shoulder, but it's not so he stands there like a dude ] I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say but...
[ looks at this thread. sees that it's monday. and so jonas decides he's not going to really explain too much, but: ]
Yeah, well. I've been trying to be better. [ it's fine, rin can stand there like a dude. they really are both just standing here i hate that. but he shakes his head. ] It's fine, that wasn't...I mean I didn't say any of it for you to say anything to it. It's not like this doesn't suck for everybody else, too.
[ "yeah well that was probably on me for getting my hopes up too early." is what he thinks. what he says is: ]
All the more reason this game's going to be interesting. Everybody has stuff they probably want to get back to. [ but he glances around the park. ]
I know I just made it sound like where I grew up was just...really crappy, but it was a lot of nature around the town. Farmlands and forests and stuff like that. We were a few hours from the coast, so rivers and lakes, too. After the last week behind that other barrier this is still an improvement.
That must've been nice. There's something calming about nature.
[ He looks around again. ]
There was a lot of nature where I grew up too, we were right by the sea. I really missed it when I was in Sydney. Cities can be a little exhausting at times.
[ he's about to, like, agree with most of that. maybe defend cities a little. he's from oregon what the hell does he know. except he pauses and glances at him curiously. ]
Oh... Well, I'd never left my prefecture before that. [ he looks embarrassed. is it weird? ] But... yeah. I mean, it was my dream to be an Olympic swimmer, and it was my dad's dream too, which is why I think my mom tried so hard to support me.
[ less weird. that puts some context into stuff, and so it's less weird than that something like that happened. ]
Oh. That's really nice, actually? [ wow. weird, somehow that actually changes his whole demeanor about the topic. but he gets distracted as he rethinks about what's being said. ] Is the was because...you actually did it? Or it's not the dream anymore?
[ he's going to blame rin for wednesday after this. but he shakes his head. ]
Oh, uh, no. I meant before that...and when people get back.
[ he doesn't entirely believe everybody will be saved, but there are certain people he'll try to be a little more optimistic for and it's all the normies. ]
... I'm not sure. Even if I love swimming, I've been struggling to perform for a few years now, so.
I was thinking that maybe I should give up. [ That is probably a more awkward answer than Jonas wanted. ] It's not that big of a deal. I'm pretty good at math too. My new dream could be to be an accountant.
[ yes he is not good at it often, enjoy the attempt. but he sort of snorts at that. awkward as it is...well. ]
I've heard they do make pretty good money. [ terrible joke in response. always. ] ...this is totally none of my business but...is it like just hard to get excited about it again? Or did something happen that made it harder?
[ Those are surprisingly specific questions that he doesn't expect, and he looks thoughtful for a moment. ]
... The thing about sports is that only a few people can be the best. And even the best don't win all the time, right? You expect that, but when you keep losing then. [ He looks down. ] I went to Australia, and I learned I wasn't anything special, I guess.
[ how in the fuck did you make me even more sad when you're already dead.
anyway that...is also exceedingly honest and more factual than he expected himself. which is why he sort of blinks a little instead. ]
...it does, yeah. [ it's not really a nice answer, but it does make sense to him. ] I guess the question is...is it still something you love even if you aren't as special as other people?
It's fine, I asked. If I didn't care about hearing the answer I wouldn't have. [ it kind of gives him a decent frame of reference. ] Maybe the answer's just swimming because you love it and not concentrating on being the best. People doing what they love seem to do better than people that lose their, like, passion or whatever entirely. So maybe everything will come back if you think of it that way.
[ a pause. ]
Not that you were looking for advice or an opinion or anything, I just mean...in general.
[ things that are terrible: that! but this is really just when things are perfectly fine and well and nothing bad has ever happened. so jonas looks a little surprised when rin thinks it's actually something that makes sense. ]
Well...um. Glad I could help, I guess? [ haha. ] As long as you keep it in mind you'll probably do better and better.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Oh, well... I guess it's comforting? No matter where I am, I can train my body and it's familiar.
[ jock propaganda ]
You don't have anything like that?
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No, yeah, when you say it like that I get it. Kind of one of the only things you can control here when everything else is weird. [ jock propaganda... ]
But no, not really? I've...been kind of out of anything routine for a while. [ he hesitates for a bit before he decides he can at least clarify a little. ] I'd been out of school for a while until really recently. It's almost summer, so I'm not going back until fall. And there's been a lot of things happening that I'm still figuring out what I want to do next.
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That does sound disorienting. Ending up face to face with ghosts right before you got here probably doesn't help either... [ ... ] I was going to ask if things were starting to look up, but I can guess the answer to that.
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It's kind of funny that maybe they were? I mean there was still a lot that was complicated about...everything, but my dad and I had just moved out of my hometown. It wasn't...really the greatest or safest place a person could live to begin with. It was one of those towns where there wasn't much of a point in doing anything because people never expected you to be good at anything. So it was kind of nice thinking maybe things would start getting better. Even with that night.
[ he shrugs though. ]
But I'm here instead.
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... You definitely don't seem like you belonged in a town like that. [ if it were touch week, he would pat his shoulder, but it's not so he stands there like a dude ] I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say but...
It all sucks.
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Yeah, well. I've been trying to be better. [ it's fine, rin can stand there like a dude. they really are both just standing here i hate that. but he shakes his head. ] It's fine, that wasn't...I mean I didn't say any of it for you to say anything to it. It's not like this doesn't suck for everybody else, too.
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[ He shrugs. ]
What're you doing out here?
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All the more reason this game's going to be interesting. Everybody has stuff they probably want to get back to. [ but he glances around the park. ]
I know I just made it sound like where I grew up was just...really crappy, but it was a lot of nature around the town. Farmlands and forests and stuff like that. We were a few hours from the coast, so rivers and lakes, too. After the last week behind that other barrier this is still an improvement.
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[ He looks around again. ]
There was a lot of nature where I grew up too, we were right by the sea. I really missed it when I was in Sydney. Cities can be a little exhausting at times.
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What the hell were you doing in Australia?
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[ O: ]
Have you been?
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That's...that's a lot, Rin. I mean if you learned a lot by being there and got better at swimming, okay, but that's a whole other continent.
[ he's shaking his head and maybe this provides context. ]
I've barely ever left the state, let along the hemisphere. I've just seen pictures and stuff online.
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Oh... Well, I'd never left my prefecture before that. [ he looks embarrassed. is it weird? ] But... yeah. I mean, it was my dream to be an Olympic swimmer, and it was my dad's dream too, which is why I think my mom tried so hard to support me.
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Oh. That's really nice, actually? [ wow. weird, somehow that actually changes his whole demeanor about the topic. but he gets distracted as he rethinks about what's being said. ] Is the was because...you actually did it? Or it's not the dream anymore?
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Well... Unless there are Olympics down here...?
[ You can't swim in the Olympics when you're dead. Also, very funny considering this week's event. ]
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Oh, uh, no. I meant before that...and when people get back.
[ he doesn't entirely believe everybody will be saved, but there are certain people he'll try to be a little more optimistic for and it's all the normies. ]
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... I'm not sure. Even if I love swimming, I've been struggling to perform for a few years now, so.
I was thinking that maybe I should give up. [ That is probably a more awkward answer than Jonas wanted. ] It's not that big of a deal. I'm pretty good at math too. My new dream could be to be an accountant.
[ It is a joke. ]
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I've heard they do make pretty good money. [ terrible joke in response. always. ] ...this is totally none of my business but...is it like just hard to get excited about it again? Or did something happen that made it harder?
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... The thing about sports is that only a few people can be the best. And even the best don't win all the time, right? You expect that, but when you keep losing then. [ He looks down. ] I went to Australia, and I learned I wasn't anything special, I guess.
If that answers your question?
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anyway that...is also exceedingly honest and more factual than he expected himself. which is why he sort of blinks a little instead. ]
...it does, yeah. [ it's not really a nice answer, but it does make sense to him. ] I guess the question is...is it still something you love even if you aren't as special as other people?
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... It should be, shouldn't it? [ he laughs. ] Unconditional love, right?
But... [ pauses to think about it. ] Yeah. I can't really help loving it, even if it sucks to lose. And to feel like a failure.
[ ... he clears his throat, rubbing the back of his neck. ]
Sorry! I've been going on and on...
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It's fine, I asked. If I didn't care about hearing the answer I wouldn't have. [ it kind of gives him a decent frame of reference. ] Maybe the answer's just swimming because you love it and not concentrating on being the best. People doing what they love seem to do better than people that lose their, like, passion or whatever entirely. So maybe everything will come back if you think of it that way.
[ a pause. ]
Not that you were looking for advice or an opinion or anything, I just mean...in general.
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Huh, maybe he should reevaluate what he wants out of swimming, and why he does it. ]
No, that's a great way of thinking about it, Jonas. [ He smiles, genuinely grateful. ] I'll have to remember that the next time I'm in the water.
[ dying ]
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Well...um. Glad I could help, I guess? [ haha. ] As long as you keep it in mind you'll probably do better and better.
[ or die. one of the two. ]