... I'm not sure. Even if I love swimming, I've been struggling to perform for a few years now, so.
I was thinking that maybe I should give up. [ That is probably a more awkward answer than Jonas wanted. ] It's not that big of a deal. I'm pretty good at math too. My new dream could be to be an accountant.
[ yes he is not good at it often, enjoy the attempt. but he sort of snorts at that. awkward as it is...well. ]
I've heard they do make pretty good money. [ terrible joke in response. always. ] ...this is totally none of my business but...is it like just hard to get excited about it again? Or did something happen that made it harder?
[ Those are surprisingly specific questions that he doesn't expect, and he looks thoughtful for a moment. ]
... The thing about sports is that only a few people can be the best. And even the best don't win all the time, right? You expect that, but when you keep losing then. [ He looks down. ] I went to Australia, and I learned I wasn't anything special, I guess.
[ how in the fuck did you make me even more sad when you're already dead.
anyway that...is also exceedingly honest and more factual than he expected himself. which is why he sort of blinks a little instead. ]
...it does, yeah. [ it's not really a nice answer, but it does make sense to him. ] I guess the question is...is it still something you love even if you aren't as special as other people?
It's fine, I asked. If I didn't care about hearing the answer I wouldn't have. [ it kind of gives him a decent frame of reference. ] Maybe the answer's just swimming because you love it and not concentrating on being the best. People doing what they love seem to do better than people that lose their, like, passion or whatever entirely. So maybe everything will come back if you think of it that way.
[ a pause. ]
Not that you were looking for advice or an opinion or anything, I just mean...in general.
[ things that are terrible: that! but this is really just when things are perfectly fine and well and nothing bad has ever happened. so jonas looks a little surprised when rin thinks it's actually something that makes sense. ]
Well...um. Glad I could help, I guess? [ haha. ] As long as you keep it in mind you'll probably do better and better.
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... I'm not sure. Even if I love swimming, I've been struggling to perform for a few years now, so.
I was thinking that maybe I should give up. [ That is probably a more awkward answer than Jonas wanted. ] It's not that big of a deal. I'm pretty good at math too. My new dream could be to be an accountant.
[ It is a joke. ]
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I've heard they do make pretty good money. [ terrible joke in response. always. ] ...this is totally none of my business but...is it like just hard to get excited about it again? Or did something happen that made it harder?
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... The thing about sports is that only a few people can be the best. And even the best don't win all the time, right? You expect that, but when you keep losing then. [ He looks down. ] I went to Australia, and I learned I wasn't anything special, I guess.
If that answers your question?
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anyway that...is also exceedingly honest and more factual than he expected himself. which is why he sort of blinks a little instead. ]
...it does, yeah. [ it's not really a nice answer, but it does make sense to him. ] I guess the question is...is it still something you love even if you aren't as special as other people?
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... It should be, shouldn't it? [ he laughs. ] Unconditional love, right?
But... [ pauses to think about it. ] Yeah. I can't really help loving it, even if it sucks to lose. And to feel like a failure.
[ ... he clears his throat, rubbing the back of his neck. ]
Sorry! I've been going on and on...
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It's fine, I asked. If I didn't care about hearing the answer I wouldn't have. [ it kind of gives him a decent frame of reference. ] Maybe the answer's just swimming because you love it and not concentrating on being the best. People doing what they love seem to do better than people that lose their, like, passion or whatever entirely. So maybe everything will come back if you think of it that way.
[ a pause. ]
Not that you were looking for advice or an opinion or anything, I just mean...in general.
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Huh, maybe he should reevaluate what he wants out of swimming, and why he does it. ]
No, that's a great way of thinking about it, Jonas. [ He smiles, genuinely grateful. ] I'll have to remember that the next time I'm in the water.
[ dying ]
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Well...um. Glad I could help, I guess? [ haha. ] As long as you keep it in mind you'll probably do better and better.
[ or die. one of the two. ]