[sorry i'm forcing your hand here but she will come find him after he's had some time to settle, with freshly picked flowers from the garden. Knocking gently on his lounge door.]
[ He'll open the door, stepping aside to let her in and turning away. It's pretty clear he's trying to hide his expression, head bowed and fringe falling over his face. ]
Something queasy turns in her gut. She holds still in the doorway a moment. Then slowly pads inside. He might be turning away but she'll still extend the flowers to him. No matter how many doubts nip at her heels.]
[She blinks back. Well, the surprise does get her feeling some kind of way. But she takes a breath and nods, holding them out still. Waiting for him to take them, brush them off.]
In part, yes. Because it was stupid. A very stupid theory. And maybe other people were thinking the same thing. Maybe they changed their minds because of what I said. But...that matters less than everything else.
Mostly, I'm very, very sorry that a dear friend has been taken from you. For no good reason, either. [That achievement only put the nail in the coffin, didn't it? As if the conversations after hadn't already sliced her in two.]
And I'm especially sorry that it was you who was made to do it. Made to hurt someone you cared for, very deeply.
[ Help, sorry. Me forgetting that she was holding them out.
But I guess he wasn't looking, but now he is, so he will take them. He doesn't quite smile as he looks down at them, but he doesn't look surprised anymore either. He just looks... tired. Like he doesn't even know how he should be feeling. ]
... I'm the reason they're gone. I'm the reason my team got implicated.
[ Emotion seeps back in: guilt, frustration, sorrow. ]
[Oh, no. Rosamund will move her hand across his back, letting it become half a hug around his shoulders.]
Rin. I know how you feel. Okay? I do. It's not exactly the same situation, but it's close enough isn't it? Being made to go on like this. Watching the wrong people pay the price.
[ He will let her, the fight is pretty much entirely gone from him after execution. Eyes still closed, voice so defeated. He doesn't want to be here (general, not specifically here with rosamund) anymore. ]
...And I killed the first person I felt any true connection with here. [Not a teammate. But that it had to be Vi still rips at her in ways she can't articulate.] Someone I liked very much.
It's...it's very hard to believe you're worth anything. After a thing like that. Kindness starts to hurt.
It's hard to move forward when you're hurt by something you don't know how to fix. When people say it's not my fault... that's worse. Because it means there's nothing I can do to make sure it doesn't happen again.
[She listens, keeping still. Present, hopefully not cloying even as she stays close to him.]
I know. These places take so many of our choices away from us, but it still feels like things we did with our own hands. In a way, it is. But these aren't things we'd do, if we were anywhere else. If we had any choice.
I don't know how to move forward either, Rin. The best I can say is...try to help people while you're here. While your mind is your own. Maybe by the end, we'll have been able to make some amends.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
W3 SUNDAY
Rin?
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Rosamund?
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Are you looking for someone?
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Something queasy turns in her gut. She holds still in the doorway a moment. Then slowly pads inside. He might be turning away but she'll still extend the flowers to him. No matter how many doubts nip at her heels.]
Yes. I wanted to give you these.
...And to tell you I'm sorry.
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... What?
[ Oh. ]
Because of what you said? About Siffrin at the trial?
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In part, yes. Because it was stupid. A very stupid theory. And maybe other people were thinking the same thing. Maybe they changed their minds because of what I said. But...that matters less than everything else.
Mostly, I'm very, very sorry that a dear friend has been taken from you. For no good reason, either. [That achievement only put the nail in the coffin, didn't it? As if the conversations after hadn't already sliced her in two.]
And I'm especially sorry that it was you who was made to do it. Made to hurt someone you cared for, very deeply.
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But I guess he wasn't looking, but now he is, so he will take them. He doesn't quite smile as he looks down at them, but he doesn't look surprised anymore either. He just looks... tired. Like he doesn't even know how he should be feeling. ]
... I'm the reason they're gone. I'm the reason my team got implicated.
[ Emotion seeps back in: guilt, frustration, sorrow. ]
You don't need feel sorry for me.
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This isn't at all what she expected to hear. Rosamund frowns. Her head tilts, and she puts her hand to her chest. Thinking.]
How do you mean?
[A beat.]
...The glitter?
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Then puts a hand to his shoulder, moving a step closer.]
Rin.
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Is it something you can tell me about? Get it off your chest?
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Siffrin died when it should've been me.
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[Oh, no. Rosamund will move her hand across his back, letting it become half a hug around his shoulders.]
Rin. I know how you feel. Okay? I do. It's not exactly the same situation, but it's close enough isn't it? Being made to go on like this. Watching the wrong people pay the price.
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Is it?
I got my teammate killed.
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It's...it's very hard to believe you're worth anything. After a thing like that. Kindness starts to hurt.
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It's hard to move forward when you're hurt by something you don't know how to fix. When people say it's not my fault... that's worse. Because it means there's nothing I can do to make sure it doesn't happen again.
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I know. These places take so many of our choices away from us, but it still feels like things we did with our own hands. In a way, it is. But these aren't things we'd do, if we were anywhere else. If we had any choice.
I don't know how to move forward either, Rin. The best I can say is...try to help people while you're here. While your mind is your own. Maybe by the end, we'll have been able to make some amends.