[ in these rare moments that they do fall into sync, it feels important to... talk. as simple as it is, that feels like that step they've struggled with most. he's surprised, visibly, and there is another little flash of a memory—colliding, rolling in the dirt, landing in front of a cherry tree which looks unremarkable in the summertime—and he lets out a long exhale. ]
I don't resent you for that, Rin. I don't want you to know what it's like.
[ he won't argue that they push each other's feelings aside to make room for their own sometimes, but that's both their faults. ]
I... [ he trails off a little, just as uncertain of what to say. it takes a while. ] I didn't need someone to understand. I had that. [ makoto at home, his more murderous friends in the reaper's game. ] You were... someone who accepted me, even if you didn't get it.
[ It doesn't feel like enough, but that's not Haru's fault.
He doesn't feel like enough. He'd gotten better about it, through the power of friendship, time and relay, but being in this place has only resurfaced all those old dialogues. Of watching helplessly at everything his team had to go through without him. ]
I just... don't want you to think of me as someone who'll run away when things get hard. Who you can't rely on.
but it's very strange getting this memory—which he doesn't have—from rin's perspective. he wants to yell at himself, because that's not how he feels? ...or maybe it is, and the fear of losing rin again means he never allows himself to think it.
but no, it's not. it doesn't make it right to say regardless? he also doesn't know who albert even is so this is stupid. the memory ends and he looks frazzled, rushing to respond. ]
[ The response isn't entirely surprising. Their memories had been mismatched last time, so he'd suspected they might be again this time too.
He's not angry like he had been in that moment—the details aren't important in the face of everything they're dealing with here. What's important is the sentiment. Does Haru think he would abandon him? ]
... But you did. [ Rubbing his neck. ] And I did prove your point a bit by just leaving after you said it.
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I don't resent you for that, Rin. I don't want you to know what it's like.
[ he won't argue that they push each other's feelings aside to make room for their own sometimes, but that's both their faults. ]
I... [ he trails off a little, just as uncertain of what to say. it takes a while. ] I didn't need someone to understand. I had that. [ makoto at home, his more murderous friends in the reaper's game. ] You were... someone who accepted me, even if you didn't get it.
[ of course that still brought him comfort. ]
no subject
He doesn't feel like enough. He'd gotten better about it, through the power of friendship, time and relay, but being in this place has only resurfaced all those old dialogues. Of watching helplessly at everything his team had to go through without him. ]
I just... don't want you to think of me as someone who'll run away when things get hard. Who you can't rely on.
[ Kind of like this. ]
no subject
but it's very strange getting this memory—which he doesn't have—from rin's perspective. he wants to yell at himself, because that's not how he feels? ...or maybe it is, and the fear of losing rin again means he never allows himself to think it.
but no, it's not. it doesn't make it right to say regardless? he also doesn't know who albert even is so this is stupid. the memory ends and he looks frazzled, rushing to respond. ]
—No. I wouldn't say that. [ WHO WAS THAT!!!!! ]
no subject
He's not angry like he had been in that moment—the details aren't important in the face of everything they're dealing with here. What's important is the sentiment. Does Haru think he would abandon him? ]
... But you did. [ Rubbing his neck. ] And I did prove your point a bit by just leaving after you said it.