... I don't know. Truthfully, I know very little about it, other than that this affliction can be traced through my bloodline's history. My family refused to speak of it to me.
[Years of wondering if I was just losing my mind...]
I don't think it's a spirit, exactly. It's... not me, but it is not a wholly separate entity from myself either.
... I imagine it plays a part, though even without it, such beliefs are also carved into our culture by now. I do not know if my father ever heard the voice, considering he became more pacifistic towards the end of his life, rather than more violent.
[It's supposed to only get worse. At least, it is for...
he looks down at his hands, now folded in his lap.]
But it would not surprise me if Mugen hears and embraces it.
[granted it's still true that also means even before everyone started wanting hikari dead his family/people who served his family did not bother to tell him anything and just kind of left him to his fate
but he won't say that because he's touched by rin's defensiveness on his behalf but also doesn't know what to do with other people caring like this.]
... Thank you, Rin. [I'm always afraid, each day. But what is there left to do but fight it?] I appreciate it, truly. Your words give me strength.
he really doesn't know how to handle this sheer simple faith rin has in him and it shows especially since his thoughts are just a giant question mark right now]
[he's quiet for a bit, as though finding the words.]
... It means a lot to me. Thank you, Rin.
[I won't let you down.
it might be arrogance to think that he will be the exception—that he will prevail against this bloodlust engraved into his other self—when mugen evidently couldn't be such, but what else can hikari do at this point but be arrogant?]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Is it like... a spirit? That you have inside you?
no subject
... I don't know. Truthfully, I know very little about it, other than that this affliction can be traced through my bloodline's history. My family refused to speak of it to me.
[Years of wondering if I was just losing my mind...]
I don't think it's a spirit, exactly. It's... not me, but it is not a wholly separate entity from myself either.
no subject
It's inherited?
[ Definitely not DID then. ]
Is that why your clan has valued strength and warfare so much, because of this condition?
no subject
[It's supposed to only get worse. At least, it is for...
he looks down at his hands, now folded in his lap.]
But it would not surprise me if Mugen hears and embraces it.
no subject
It just seems like it's kind of important.
[ especially if it's getting worse ]
no subject
Others know us as accursed. That is all I know.
[And that I have been told I will lose to it.
—and then his thoughts snap shut, as though he didn't mean for that to slip out.]
no subject
Why? You were told you'd give into it, and that's it? No information that could actually help?
no subject
... Yes, because these are things said by our clan's enemies, or those who support my brother.
[in other words, people who don't exactly have an investment in his future to begin with.
a pause, as he meets rin's eyes now, and softly,]
It is all right, Rin. I don't intend to lose.
no subject
... Oh. [ he relaxes a bit ] So only people who want to hurt you.
[so he doesn't care about their opinion ]
I do believe you, though. You're probably one of the most stubborn people I know.
no subject
but he won't say that because he's touched by rin's defensiveness on his behalf but also doesn't know what to do with other people caring like this.]
... Thank you, Rin. [I'm always afraid, each day. But what is there left to do but fight it?] I appreciate it, truly. Your words give me strength.
no subject
That's what friends are for. You know that, right? You should confide in the people around you, I'm sure they'd support you.
[ But maybe not while they're trying to kill you. ]
no subject
... Of course. I am always grateful for the friends who are by my side. [They're all I have left. a beat.] Not all of them are trying to kill me, Rin.
[PLEASE!!]
no subject
Why would I be afraid of you? You're so... good.
no subject
he just blinks in surprise.
firstly what does "good" even mean here, rin!! secondly,
Because I could end up hurting you.]
no subject
Oh.
Yeah, I doubt that.
no subject
he really doesn't know how to handle this sheer simple faith rin has in him and it shows especially since his thoughts are just a giant question mark right now]
no subject
You didn't even hurt Guifei. Why would I be afraid?
no subject
but hikari doesn't echo that thought out loud as he stares at rin for a few moments, still evidently surprised, before his expression softens.]
... You are a good friend, Rin.
no subject
I'm just returning the favour. And anyway, I think the more you believe you can win over that voice, the more likely it is to happen.
So I'm believing in it.
no subject
... It means a lot to me. Thank you, Rin.
[I won't let you down.
it might be arrogance to think that he will be the exception—that he will prevail against this bloodlust engraved into his other self—when mugen evidently couldn't be such, but what else can hikari do at this point but be arrogant?]
no subject
[ scoots over and lifts his hand for a high five. ]
no subject
stares in the confusion of someone who has no idea what rin wants]
no subject
It's a high five, Hikari.
no subject
A high five?
no subject
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)