[ That's both better and worse than expected, and all of a sudden Rin feels a little stupid for asking. Like the point he was trying to prove suddenly makes no sense.
He looks at the tea. ]
Haru killed someone. [ Allegedly. ] I wonder... if I could ever do that.
... I think, if cornered, many people are capable of things they never would have considered before. This Reaper's Game feels designed to push people.
[...]
I told you before, that my nation believes bloodshed is a sign of strength and that pacifism is weakness. I will kill if I feel I must, and so I can empathize with others who believe the same... but at the same time, I always wish there could be another way, or that things didn't have to reach this point.
It is a complicated thing, to take a life in the name of what you believe in. Whether it is admirable or something to lament may be a matter of perspective, and perhaps not so black or white either.
... I will not say that it isn't a show of conviction. [that would be hypocritical of him.] But to be honest, a part of me envies those who are able to attain their dreams without bloodshed, who can win over their enemies through the strength of their hearts instead.
That is a kind of strength I do not have, and one that I have seen many lack. [...] It's... perhaps irrelevant in this place, which demands blood. But I suppose what I'm trying to say is that strength isn't defined by one thing alone. If it was as simple as "choosing not to kill makes one weak", then that would mean my brother has always been right about me, and I don't believe that either.
[anyway.]
With that said, I think the only person who can truly decide these things for yourself is you.
... I cannot bring myself to regret giving her the benefit of the doubt, or trying to settle things nonlethally at first. I stayed true to who I am, and I'm not ashamed of that.
[maybe it makes him naive. that's fine.]
But... knowing that I brought my team down and what is at stake if I don't return home alive—it would be a lie to say I have no regrets at all. So yes, I do feel guilty about failing to survive that night.
Mm, it's hard to say. More than I wish I'd killed Yang Guifei, I regret that I wasn't able to find a way for both of us to live that night... After all, had you or I killed in self-defence, then either trial would condemn us regardless or we would have to live with sentencing someone else to death.
[not exactly a pleasant thought.]
But all that's left to us now is to turn those feelings of doubt into something we can wield. And so, I won't tell you not to regret, should it help you to work through it rather than deny it. [a beat] I can teach you to fight, if you feel that would be helpful as an outlet... or anything else, you need only ask.
I simply hope that you can accept that you have many strengths of your own, even without taking a life.
[ Hikari is so right. There is no winning in this place.
But... more than that, he's right that there's no point in obsessing over the past. He still carries the guilt of letting down his team, but it's exhausting. Maybe he could feel a little lighter if he looked ahead instead. ]
You have a real way of making me calm down, Hikari.
[ He draws one leg up, putting his chin on his knee. ]
Maybe I should learn how to fight... But I really don't want to.
If there was a day where I was no longer needed either as a swordsman or to rule... [a bittersweet thought, but in that way, there's something oddly heartening about the idea of losing all the things that currently give him worth.] ... Admittedly, I'd likely still train regularly, as a matter of principle and precaution.
But perhaps, in that future, I'd go back to traveling. Though leaving Ku was not of my choice [because, well, his brother set the city on fire, usurped the throne, and wants him dead], I have enjoyed seeing the world with my friends.
I cannot speak to continents outside of Solistia, but... no—though of course, other conflicts still exist, any in recent years that are of the scale of outright war are the fault of Ku.
[he crosses his arms with a tilt of his head, thinking.]
I am thinking of abolishing inheritance through bloodline—both because the blood of Clan Ku should perhaps end with me, and because our nation has a longstanding history of oppressing its people based on station and birth. Along with its warmongering stance, I wish to eliminate its pervasive belief that birthright is what matters.
So the notion of democracy isn't unappealing to me, though I expect that the court of Ku will resist it... Still, I was at the very least considering the idea of appointing an unrelated heir when the time comes, even if I don't think that will be for many years.
... We won't. Still, I have faith. You have a strong heart, Rin—as long as you have your friends by your side, you'll make it through whatever the world throws at you.
Of course, I hope that you will not face danger. However, that doesn't make any challenges you might face in the future less meaningful, and so I still say the same words to you.
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He looks at the tea. ]
Haru killed someone. [ Allegedly. ] I wonder... if I could ever do that.
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... I think, if cornered, many people are capable of things they never would have considered before. This Reaper's Game feels designed to push people.
[...]
I told you before, that my nation believes bloodshed is a sign of strength and that pacifism is weakness. I will kill if I feel I must, and so I can empathize with others who believe the same... but at the same time, I always wish there could be another way, or that things didn't have to reach this point.
It is a complicated thing, to take a life in the name of what you believe in. Whether it is admirable or something to lament may be a matter of perspective, and perhaps not so black or white either.
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[ He looks at Hikari, waiting for him to answer. ]
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... I will not say that it isn't a show of conviction. [that would be hypocritical of him.] But to be honest, a part of me envies those who are able to attain their dreams without bloodshed, who can win over their enemies through the strength of their hearts instead.
That is a kind of strength I do not have, and one that I have seen many lack. [...] It's... perhaps irrelevant in this place, which demands blood. But I suppose what I'm trying to say is that strength isn't defined by one thing alone. If it was as simple as "choosing not to kill makes one weak", then that would mean my brother has always been right about me, and I don't believe that either.
[anyway.]
With that said, I think the only person who can truly decide these things for yourself is you.
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I think your kindness is what makes you strong, Hikari. [ ... ] Did you ever feel guilty...? About not killing Guifei?
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[maybe it makes him naive. that's fine.]
But... knowing that I brought my team down and what is at stake if I don't return home alive—it would be a lie to say I have no regrets at all. So yes, I do feel guilty about failing to survive that night.
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With a sigh, he leans further back against the headboard. ]
... It's complicated, isn't it? I wonder sometimes if I should've tried to kill D. If that would've been the right thing to do.
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[not exactly a pleasant thought.]
But all that's left to us now is to turn those feelings of doubt into something we can wield. And so, I won't tell you not to regret, should it help you to work through it rather than deny it. [a beat] I can teach you to fight, if you feel that would be helpful as an outlet... or anything else, you need only ask.
I simply hope that you can accept that you have many strengths of your own, even without taking a life.
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But... more than that, he's right that there's no point in obsessing over the past. He still carries the guilt of letting down his team, but it's exhausting. Maybe he could feel a little lighter if he looked ahead instead. ]
You have a real way of making me calm down, Hikari.
[ He draws one leg up, putting his chin on his knee. ]
Maybe I should learn how to fight... But I really don't want to.
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[since hikari hasn't sat down, he leans against the wall, his back still straight with proper posture.]
There is nothing wrong with that. I would much rather see the day where no one ever feels the need to learn combat.
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What would you do with your spare time otherwise?
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If there was a day where I was no longer needed either as a swordsman or to rule... [a bittersweet thought, but in that way, there's something oddly heartening about the idea of losing all the things that currently give him worth.] ... Admittedly, I'd likely still train regularly, as a matter of principle and precaution.
But perhaps, in that future, I'd go back to traveling. Though leaving Ku was not of my choice [because, well, his brother set the city on fire, usurped the throne, and wants him dead], I have enjoyed seeing the world with my friends.
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The other nations weren't at war?
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Still, Rin smiles a little. ]
Maybe you'll find someone else to watch over Ku and you can travel then. [ ... ] Ever heard of democracy?
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I am thinking of abolishing inheritance through bloodline—both because the blood of Clan Ku should perhaps end with me, and because our nation has a longstanding history of oppressing its people based on station and birth. Along with its warmongering stance, I wish to eliminate its pervasive belief that birthright is what matters.
So the notion of democracy isn't unappealing to me, though I expect that the court of Ku will resist it... Still, I was at the very least considering the idea of appointing an unrelated heir when the time comes, even if I don't think that will be for many years.
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still, rin listens to him with rapt attention, somewhat calmed by hikari's ~vision~ ]
Your kids might be a little mad that they have to be regular people instead of royalty, but it's probably for the best.
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he smiles a little.]
... I do not know if I intend to have children, but I will keep that in mind. [a beat] What about you, Rin?
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I always assumed I would. [ he never really thought about it in detail ] You know, get married. Settle down.
But being able to freely the travel the world doesn't sound too bad.
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... I hope the future has many possibilities for you, Rin. You deserve it.
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[ sips his tea ]
We won't know how things turn out for us once we're out of here, will we...
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... We won't. Still, I have faith. You have a strong heart, Rin—as long as you have your friends by your side, you'll make it through whatever the world throws at you.
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... Thanks, Hikari. I don't think you have to worry too much. Competitive swimming isn't as dangerous as a war.
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Of course, I hope that you will not face danger. However, that doesn't make any challenges you might face in the future less meaningful, and so I still say the same words to you.
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rin, on the other hand, looks genuinely touched by his words, eyes shimmering for a moment. ]
Thanks Hikari. I have faith in you too. [ ... ] And you're so stubborn you can probably get that court to do whatever you want.
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