... I do a lot of things I don't like in the first place. I think I probably had a choice - even if it was a hard one. At the very least, I know I'd always choose the mission and duty first above all else...
So is it fair for me to regret something I would choose?
... Isn't it? I can't count how often I regret not having fought back against D that night. But that's what I chose, and even if you put me back there, I don't know that I'd choose differently.
[ He shakes his head. ]
And I've heard so many times that it's not my fault, because who I am and the life that I've lived before here, but isn't that the same for you then? You've had to make hard decisions over and over again, and you've had to bear it, knowing that your mission has a purpose. That in the end, you're still protecting something.
How could anyone blame you for holding onto that, especially in a situation designed to mess with your head?
Because the alternative is that they don't blame me for killing them—and I don't want to be told that my friends will let me kill them. I want them to live. Even if sometimes I'm the reason why they're gone, I want them to live.
[but that answer comes so fast, so sharply that buzen seems to wince right after.]
... but I don't want to take my frustration out on you.
I know that my emotions are - tougher than usual right now. I don't know what to do with a lot of them.
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no subject
You had no choice but to obey. That's how it works— it forces you follow its will.
[ He looks over at Buzen, knowing that it's not that easy to erase guilt and fear. But it's important to say. ]
Do you regret it?
no subject
... I do a lot of things I don't like in the first place. I think I probably had a choice - even if it was a hard one. At the very least, I know I'd always choose the mission and duty first above all else...
So is it fair for me to regret something I would choose?
no subject
[ He shakes his head. ]
And I've heard so many times that it's not my fault, because who I am and the life that I've lived before here, but isn't that the same for you then? You've had to make hard decisions over and over again, and you've had to bear it, knowing that your mission has a purpose. That in the end, you're still protecting something.
How could anyone blame you for holding onto that, especially in a situation designed to mess with your head?
no subject
[but that answer comes so fast, so sharply that buzen seems to wince right after.]
... but I don't want to take my frustration out on you.
I know that my emotions are - tougher than usual right now. I don't know what to do with a lot of them.