[the sentiment surprises him a little bit, and he manages to find a smile again - it's weak, but sincere.]
... it's easier this way. I'd rather take those things on myself. It's difficult, sometimes it feels impossible to raise a blade against people you like, or even just relate to.
So maybe it's lucky then... if I don't have a history.
[actually it's just two painful things but he's trying to logic his way through it, even though buzen truly isn't that smart]
[ Rin's not entirely sure how the two are related, and even if there was some logic to it, he doesn't think that he'd accept it. ]
There's nothing easy about it from where I'm standing. [ ... ] But I get that it's easier to pretend it doesn't hurt.
[ He gets it, and he doesn't have a right answer that would ease any of the burden that Buzen carries. He just glances away a moment before looking back at him, hesitating another second before putting a hand on his head. ]
It's not fair that you should have to do that... You deserve to show that you're in pain. And you deserve a history too.
[he'll accept the hand on his head, even though he looks slightly perplexed about it. but in the end, he also just smiles faintly in response. it's a touching sentiment, at least.]
... it's okay.
There are some things that are out of my hands. The missions that I get assigned on, or the history that I don't have... Those are in the care of humans.
I know that. I accept that. I... don't think I get to want more than what I get.
[ A frown tugs at his lips, frustrated at hearing Buzen say that, but he tries to keep it off his expression, instead furrowing his brows like he doesn't quite understand. ]
Partly, at least. Like I said, I'm always going to want impossible things. But at the end of our missions, I might be gone and unless they find my sword somewhere... that history is always going to be uncertain.
It's kind of you to want better for me, Rin... but most of humanity has already decided that I'm expendable.
[he looks thoughtful for a little bit, before he explains - ]
[ angry, ] You're not expendable. No one is expendable.
[ his hands tighten into fists, getting angrier. he is just an angry guy. ]
You're not an object to use and discard—neither of you. Anyone with a heart deserves the chance to exist and be happy. Is your history so important? Can't you live for the future instead?
[ so worked up, he doesn't even let buzen reply. ]
[ The tense line of his shoulders relaxes just a bit, and he glances away. He understands. He gets the significance of the weight on Buzen and Matsui's shoulders but, at the same time... It's not enough to appease him.
Sacrifices have to be made, that's what he's learned during his time here, but there are some things... Some things that shouldn't be surrendered. ]
I know. [ He purses his lips. ] But it's hard to accept that you aren't able to enjoy it too.
... I guess. For now, we can only try to make good memories here while we can. I don't think it's enough, but.
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no subject
... it's easier this way. I'd rather take those things on myself. It's difficult, sometimes it feels impossible to raise a blade against people you like, or even just relate to.
So maybe it's lucky then... if I don't have a history.
[actually it's just two painful things but he's trying to logic his way through it, even though buzen truly isn't that smart]
no subject
There's nothing easy about it from where I'm standing. [ ... ] But I get that it's easier to pretend it doesn't hurt.
[ He gets it, and he doesn't have a right answer that would ease any of the burden that Buzen carries. He just glances away a moment before looking back at him, hesitating another second before putting a hand on his head. ]
It's not fair that you should have to do that... You deserve to show that you're in pain. And you deserve a history too.
no subject
... it's okay.
There are some things that are out of my hands. The missions that I get assigned on, or the history that I don't have... Those are in the care of humans.
I know that. I accept that. I... don't think I get to want more than what I get.
no subject
Why not? Because you're a sword?
no subject
Partly, at least. Like I said, I'm always going to want impossible things. But at the end of our missions, I might be gone and unless they find my sword somewhere... that history is always going to be uncertain.
It's kind of you to want better for me, Rin... but most of humanity has already decided that I'm expendable.
[he looks thoughtful for a little bit, before he explains - ]
It's why I got erased here, after all.
no subject
[ his hands tighten into fists, getting angrier. he is just an angry guy. ]
You're not an object to use and discard—neither of you. Anyone with a heart deserves the chance to exist and be happy. Is your history so important? Can't you live for the future instead?
[ so worked up, he doesn't even let buzen reply. ]
Even if you don't believe me...
[ he's RIGHT ]
no subject
I believe you. I get it. I think that it's important to have those moments of happiness too.
... but history is important, because without history, there is no future. And I want to protect history, so you can have a better future.
You know?
no subject
Sacrifices have to be made, that's what he's learned during his time here, but there are some things... Some things that shouldn't be surrendered. ]
I know. [ He purses his lips. ] But it's hard to accept that you aren't able to enjoy it too.
... I guess. For now, we can only try to make good memories here while we can. I don't think it's enough, but.