[she doesn't mind so much, she knows there's some weird cyoa shit going on. carefully she comes up to meet him, and - after a moment of trying to figure out how to answer that:]
I don't know. Not good, I think. But I can't tell how much of it is today, and how much of it is the remains of Thursday.
[ Rin is still a little shy about touching her, but he knows it always feels nice when she brushes his hair so he will reach out to do that, brushing some of her hair back from her face, and gently trailing a hand down an unbloodied cheek. ]
We haven't had any breaks lately, so... [ It's been a lot. ] Are you upset at the thought your team might keep killing?
[ Rin actually doesn't know that Shenhe and Nahida are from the same canon, he died before learning so much. ]
[she's a little surprised by the touch, but not in a bad way. he reaches out and she shifts to let him, closing her eyes for a second. touch is grounding, and it makes her feel a little less like she's going to crawl out of her body, so.
after a second:]
No. I'm not upset about that. [she brings a hand up to wipe her face.] ... I am upset they don't get caught, if they do.
[which she knows she shouldn't be, because she wants them to live, and win, but. if they die, she gets to see them again. she is also Feeling Things About Nahida but.]
... You love them, and want to be with them. There isn't anything unkind about that.
[ He takes her hand. ]
I was happy when you got here, because it meant that I could see you. But I was sad at the same time, because I didn't want you to have to die and be separated from everyone else.
You can want both things at the same time. For them to be here, and for them to live.
[she just. gently links their fingers together, when he does. three things you can feel. three things you can hear, three things you can see. the centering, and what rin tells her, makes it easier to pull her mind back into place, to stop wandering off.]
I do. [want those things. it's hard to figure out how to balance that. it takes other people telling her that it's okay to have conflicting emotions, that it's fine not to just feel everything in a clear-cut, explainable way.]
... I'm not upset to be here. [she says, after a moment.] I have you, and the others. And I am not often lonely anymore, and that means something to me.
[she wipes at her face again.] Before I was here, it was only me.
[ Feelings are truly hard to understand, even as someone who's been overwhelmed by them his entire life. If he were being honest, he often wishes that he felt less of them. That he could be more logical, smarter, less crowded by his own heart when he tried to understand others.
But it's kind of amazing to see Shenhe embrace her emotions, even if they're painful. He can't help being a romantic, glad to see love blossom around him. ]
Good.
[ He tosses an arm around her shoulder in the obnoxious way that he would often do to Haru, giving her a squeeze. ]
You're going to forget what being lonely was like soon enough. We can't leave each other alone here.
[she's a little startled when he throws an arm around her, but not in the way that means she'll send him across the room. she likes this, and there's a little bit of a smile on her face. carefully, like she's trying to figure out what's okay, she wraps an around around him in return.]
I have noticed. [she says, with a tinge of amusement.] You are all very loud.
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Rin kind of wanted to be swallowed up by the earth, but he won't try to hide. When he sees her, he'll meet her halfway. ]
Hey. [ ... ] Sorry about earlier, I don't know why I did that.
[ But more importantly, ] How are you feeling?
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[she doesn't mind so much, she knows there's some weird cyoa shit going on. carefully she comes up to meet him, and - after a moment of trying to figure out how to answer that:]
I don't know. Not good, I think. But I can't tell how much of it is today, and how much of it is the remains of Thursday.
no subject
We haven't had any breaks lately, so... [ It's been a lot. ] Are you upset at the thought your team might keep killing?
[ Rin actually doesn't know that Shenhe and Nahida are from the same canon, he died before learning so much. ]
no subject
after a second:]
No. I'm not upset about that. [she brings a hand up to wipe her face.] ... I am upset they don't get caught, if they do.
[which she knows she shouldn't be, because she wants them to live, and win, but. if they die, she gets to see them again. she is also Feeling Things About Nahida but.]
It isn't kind of me.
no subject
[ He takes her hand. ]
I was happy when you got here, because it meant that I could see you. But I was sad at the same time, because I didn't want you to have to die and be separated from everyone else.
You can want both things at the same time. For them to be here, and for them to live.
no subject
I do. [want those things. it's hard to figure out how to balance that. it takes other people telling her that it's okay to have conflicting emotions, that it's fine not to just feel everything in a clear-cut, explainable way.]
... I'm not upset to be here. [she says, after a moment.] I have you, and the others. And I am not often lonely anymore, and that means something to me.
[she wipes at her face again.] Before I was here, it was only me.
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But it's kind of amazing to see Shenhe embrace her emotions, even if they're painful. He can't help being a romantic, glad to see love blossom around him. ]
Good.
[ He tosses an arm around her shoulder in the obnoxious way that he would often do to Haru, giving her a squeeze. ]
You're going to forget what being lonely was like soon enough. We can't leave each other alone here.
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I have noticed. [she says, with a tinge of amusement.] You are all very loud.
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he just grins at that, laughing a little ]
It's better than silence though, isn't it? It's nice to be in good company.